Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
