i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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