Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
