so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I enjoy the company of your penis
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