we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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