At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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