nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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