Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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