Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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