at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
