i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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