Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
