and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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