With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
