I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
