I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
