Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
