there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize