I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
