I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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