I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
