two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
