perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
