so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize