Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
