Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
