totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
