using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
