her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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