i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
