Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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