You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's shark week go big or go home
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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