Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
