We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
