FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize