Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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