What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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