If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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