Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
