the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
