Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
