Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
