A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
