Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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