You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
