Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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