yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize