She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
