lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
