Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
