bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
