My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize