my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
