i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
