I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
