we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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