Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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