I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
