God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
