I can text with my tongue
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
