if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
