I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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