420 ftw
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
