I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Text me some of your sweat
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