the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
