shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
