Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
