There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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