I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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