just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize