I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
