An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
