Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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