I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
