When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
