Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
