Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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