Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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