she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
