Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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