Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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