I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
