He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize