I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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