Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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