Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
