How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
