Im at strip club and am horny
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize