she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
