her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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