GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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