At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
