I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
