We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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