Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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