He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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