yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
