I wish I only lived at night.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
