3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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