she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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