I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
