I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
