Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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