the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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