You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
