please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
