I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
