you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
