Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i came on her dog
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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