he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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