Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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