and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize