is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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