I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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