who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
