dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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