i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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